Travel Doesn’t Change You
There’s a common belief that when you travel, you change. As in, your fundamental being evolves. You become stronger, wiser, more compassionate, and more worldly. People even think you become a truly better person.
There’s mystery in long term travel. The nomadic lifestyle is no longer the human norm that it was for millennia. Over 10,000 years ago we put down agricultural roots and stopped the incessant roaming. But, even before we planted those gardens we had maps in our heads and tracks passed down by our ancestors. We had a sense of direction, a path to follow. Traveling for travel’s sake takes the purpose out and replaces it with wandering.
We’ve been on the road for over 5 months now and have visited 10 countries on two continents. It’s our midway point, according to our plan, as we are endeavoring to spend 11 months abroad in total. It’s time for a mid-trip check in.
When we arrived in Korea I was convinced this wouldn’t last. I’d tell people, “Well, the plan is…” Instead of “We are going to” because I was not confident in our ability to make it the entire near year timeframe together without falling apart. I’m still not wholly convinced we will, but we’ve at least made it this far.
In terms of the good, there’s principally the food. Eating our way around the world has been a joy. We’ve tried a few things we’d never have had access to in the states along with dishes that are far more perfected here than back home. I’ll never look at Chinese food the same way again after Singapore and I sadly know I’ll never again find pork noodle soup that melts my soul in the same way.
Being able to experience cuisine as it’s culturally intended, like pho on little stools on the streets of Vietnam or fish from a world famous Japanese fish market, changes your relationship to the dish. It’s a way of directly participating in an active cultural exchange by doing something as simple as being part of a city’s natural rhythms. Experiencing food from this vantage point has been a highlight of my entire experience, even if it can be difficult to figure out what I’m ordering!
Another bold proclamation I can make is that I’m more adept at navigating a new city than I previously was. Moving once every 10 days, on average, during this trip has meant I need to re-coordinate my sense of direction, how to move through traffic, where I’m sleeping at night, and, if this is a good place for public transit, how to navigate that as well.
Other things I’ve also mastered include:
- picking out a decent hotel, most of the time, for a reasonable rate.
- walking across a busy street and not be hit by a motorbike, car, or bus (there’s no other way to cross the street in some places)
- how to negotiate price with a street vendor (still working on that, but getting better!)
- how to not feel so badly saying no, because I often have to say no
- how to find little comforts in strange situations (something that for many decreases with age)
Balance is the key to life. By sharing negative feelings, my intention isn’t to drive pity in any way. I just don’t like adding a veneer of glitter to a situation that doesn’t always shine. False positivity for the sake of someone else’s well being doesn’t serve anyone. That said, I’ll share some truths I’ve felt along this journey thus far.
At writing, I have a yucky head cold, my second of the trip. At home, I’ll go a year without being sick. Now, I’m sick more often due to general contact with thousands of people and poorer hygienic conditions. I’m also battling traveler’s sickness (at writing, I’m feeling better), which kept me up for hours last night and in our hotel room all day today. I wish I could say I spent the day reading and researching, but I wasted it on the internet like I would at home. Overall, I feel physically off. It’s probably the cold and my body fighting for health, but something just doesn’t seem right.
Being here makes it that much more nerve wracking to be ill because, what if something is actually wrong with me? I have no “real” health insurance, we’re going to be in Vietnam for another three weeks and then head to even poorer conditions in Cambodia. There’s just no ability to just go to a decent doctor here and that frankly scares the shit out of me, whether I feel excellent or under the weather. Jason thinks I’m a paranoid hypochondriac. I imagine he’s probably right, but that doesn’t make my stomach stop hurting and my mind stop racing. For all of America’s faults at least when I’m at home AND can afford health insurance I could feasibly go to a doctor (and pay unknown amounts of money if something truly is the matter with me). Generally not feeling right for long stretches is not an enjoyable part of travel and I wonder how many other people feel this way when they take this kind of thing on.
Mentally, I’m full of ups and downs. This week I was able to see an old friend from home, twice, which enriched our experience and was something I was looking forward to for many months. Spending time with a friend who knows you, who isn’t your life/travel partner, is great for a refresh anywhere you are, but especially when you’re so far from home. Very grateful for our time together!
In terms of the life partner situation, being with someone 24/7 is strenuous for even the strongest of partnerships and so this has been a trying time for the two of us. I think, in some ways, we’ve made big strides from where we were before we left, because we have to rely on one another for help, but that same reliance can lead to resentment. Today, for example, Jason went to get me food because I didn’t feel well enough to leave the room, which I’m so grateful for. There are times though that I just want to do something myself, fully and completely, and it’s hard for me to communicate that well without being snarky. I can be quite mean to Jason at times and say things that hurt. I’m not always good at the whole emotional processing thing and can be terribly childish. It’s something I’ve got to work on every day and, unfortunately, hasn’t markedly improved over the past few months.
With no other outside outlets to really help us process our feelings, I can get a little stuck. Combine that with that we aren’t working and we aren’t doing anything besides travelling, there’s little else to draw our attention to other than the stupid internet outside of when we’re touring a new place. This can make one feel lonely and isolated. I’d love a hobby, but a portable hobby isn’t something I’ve figured out how to pick up yet.
Existential guilt is another fun feeling I’m encountering. Affording this lifestyle, regardless of how I “earned it” leaves me with a little shame. I’ve spoken about this before. Money is a tool, not a tie down to a certain place and I understand that very well, but it doesn’t make the guilt less prominent. I’m asked by everyone what I’m going to do when I go back home. I have no idea, honestly. Am I going to live in Baltimore? Am I going to work a normal job again? Am I going to go back to the 50+ hours per week work schedule norm? I feel like yes, that will most likely happen, and that’s why I don’t see how this trip is really transforming the person I am to someone I’d rather be. I’ll probably become more “normal” than when I left off I do end up having a child or buying a home, things that I’ve spoken about before not being strong driving forces in myself.
Work life balance is a great catch phrase, but watching people work all over the world makes me realize everyone puts in long hours for little wages to make ends meet. It’s imperative if you’re not independently wealthy. Maybe I’ll see a new world in Europe where human society has advanced, but it’s difficult to imagine. Regardless, you have to work, you have to make money, and you probably will find fault with even the most noble employer and their business practices.
Time is ceaseless and we’re already halfway through this epic adventure. Everyday, I want to take more risks, give more of my time and money to people and places that deserve it, provide a meaningful impact on this world instead of just receiving every step of the way. I want to experience the fullness of life whenever I live it through hard work and deep love. I want to see the world. I want to meet and taste the world. I want to know where people live and how they spend their time. This is nothing new. This travel hasn’t deeply changed me. It may have sharpened my focus in some places, but it’s created a layer of fuzz over other areas of my life that I once worked on. Travel hasn’t affected my dreams or severely shifted my reality. It has also not made me any better off a person. And, for the most part, I’m OK with that.
